About Rose: I grew up in Singapore, lived in Melbourne but currently call London home. I love gastronomic adventures, especially while travelling. I stated writing at 17 to remember how it all began.
Archives:
17 December 2003
9.48pm; wednesday
thanks for the bbq sal! :) i'm off to KL tomorrow so i'll be out of reach till the 21st. anyway finally got a new comp and it's friendster that's screwed up not my comp. so i'm just about ready to give up on it. well.. i've to sign up for SATs but i keep procrastinating.. *sigh* i've been thinking qute a bit these days and wonder how things will turn out for me. what will life be like? i really can't picture myself in 20 years. that may not necessarily be a bad thing but the uncertainty is driving me nuts as well. i guess i have this constant need to be in control.. i hate it when i feel vulnerable and insecure. there are other things i'll have to deal with for now- lots of presents to shop for and gatherings to plan! oooh.. my hari raya money is running out.. *sigh* man i better pack for tomorrow.
as i was d/l all my files into the new comp i started browsing through all the photos that i've compiled these past 2 years. And viewing them through the slideshow, flipping from moment to moment, memory to memory.. it made me chuckle to myself a few times. so vivid in technicolour and the memories still very lucid. i wonder whether things will always be like that.. everytime i coax myself into buying the ixus i, i have this persistent fear at the back of my mind that i won't have a reason to take pictures in the future. that there won't be a need to capture those moments because there won't be any. perhaps i'm paranoid or a pessimist but really. going into the uni and working.. it's not going to be the same anymore. it's going to be VERY different. i might be simply preparing myself for the worst or maybe the inevitable. i suppose that's why i keep movie stubs and compartmentalize the different phases of my life in different shoe boxes. (i'm sure some of you have seen it *smile*) i treasure the photos and memorabilia because they are remnants of time. a time that entailed great fun and wonderful moments. i guess i'm afraid of the ambivalence that the future holds. i wish i was braver.
"And you are such a fool to worry like you do
I know it's tough, and you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now ... my oh my
You've got to get yourself together.
You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
Oh love look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment and you can't get out of.
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all"
-stuck in a moment (you can't get out of), U2