A JOURNAL

About Rose:
I grew up in Singapore, lived in Melbourne but currently call London home. I love gastronomic adventures, especially while travelling. I stated writing at 17 to remember how it all began.


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25 December 2021

Sunday, 00.54am

Christmas hit me hard today. It comes after a long week of waiting to hear about my dad as he was in intensive care. I was not able to see him and to say the least it was all very worrying and stressful. I found myself driving with tears streaming down my face unable to hold it all in, worried about my dad, struggling with his mortality and realising the one person I wanted to speak to and find comfort in is no longer in my life. I had expected feeling morose but was completely shattered all over again in the heartbreak I am still trying to navigate. I think about our first date on the 1st of December all those years ago and how he then called on Christmas Day just a few weeks later, earnest to ask me about my day. Then there was the Christmas in Salisbury with all of his family gathered in front of the fireplace playing Bananagram. Then there was that Christmas we spent it in Bali just before the pandemic. Even when we had to spend Christmas in lockdown, just the two of us, I thought it was absolutely perfect. I am realising more and more that the best thing I can do is to let go but it might be the hardest thing I will have to do - I am so afraid of doing this all on my own, accepting that we will never be and recognising that any hope of a reconciliation is foolish. 


rose | 16:57


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