About Rose: I grew up in Singapore, lived in Melbourne but currently call London home. I love gastronomic adventures, especially while travelling. I stated writing at 17 to remember how it all began.
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17 September 2022
Saturday, 22.38pm
Here I am on my flight to Phoenix contemplating. A couple of days ago M.A. and I sat on a bench in Green Park and I knew, as did he, that things could not work between us. It was the kind of parting where we each wanted the best for another knowing that things had run its course. We reminisced over the summer days spent lazily in parks over long conversations, the art exhibition we went to and the music we had listened and shared. We said we thought the world of each other and as the light faded and it felt like autumn was setting in, we parted ways.
Here’s the thing – when you like and care about someone and begin to share bits of your life together, you essentially let another into your inner world. In doing so, you inevitably give a piece of yourself away. So even if things are not meant to be, there still remains those moments of connection where you became vulnerable to someone else. And when things end, even if they’re supposed to, parts of yourself feels like it has been chipped away and you feel less whole. But I am trying to remember that in sharing your inner worlds, someone has also given a piece of themselves away. So maybe, the parts of myself that I have given away can be filled by the parts of someone that was shared and now left behind.
While I wait to feel whole again, I am trying to remember that I am deserving of the love I seek. That it takes time, because it is not yet right, not because I am not enough. I hope to believe that to be true, even if it may feel difficult to do so right now.. even if I also know that it would not have worked between us in the long run. But for now, as I fly some 36,000 feet in the air, I will allow the tears to fall on what felt like sunnier days.