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A JOURNAL
About Rose:
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31 December 2024
Tuesday, 5.03pm I haven't written in so long and I didn't want to let 2024 go by without writing. I would like to think it has been a year of soft strength and quiet courage. I started 2024 reeling from the death of my Dad and my ankle fusion surgery. I convalesced and was very grateful for the help of friends who got me through the challenging months. I persevered and found myself hobbling in crutches to Miami at the start of the year for a work trip but in doing so, I realised yet again how I have a way of pushing myself too hard and not learning to say no. By the Spring, I shed the crutches and began gingerly walking in a boot. I waddled my way across New York on a work trip in the boot but by the time I went back to Singapore for Eid in April, I was walking normally again. In Singapore, I visited my dad's grave and missed him enormously. It also became more clear that my relationship with my mom and siblings had changed and I felt that something was lost. I craved to return to London knowing that was where I belonged. I also returned realising I had done my first year as a Partner - it was tumultuous, fractious and the toughest year I ever had professionally. I began finding a way through and realising that there was so much more I wanted to achieve as a lawyer but had to find a way to do it sanely and sensibly. As the Summer came round I found myself watching the Padres at the baseball in San Diego, took in the salty air in Oceanside, reconnected with friends in Jackson Hole at the rodeo, and watched the geysers erupt in Yellowstone. I came back to London ready for the summer but only caught glimpses of it amidst the grey and rain and so I escaped to the South of France. I frolicked in the sun in Nice, dipped in the warm Mediterranean Sea in Menton, took in views of Monaco from Roquebrune-Cap-Martin and had quite the lunch in Antibes at Hotel du Cap Eden Roc. I even bookended summer with a trip to the Algarves where I learned to golf. The Autumn started with a trip to New York, Philly and Connecticut. It was such a fruitful and productive work week (despite my dismal round of golf). To counter the work travels, I found myself crossing the Bosphorous Strait to reconnect with one of my best friends at a hammam on a Sunday afternoon - it was glorious and just what I needed. As I flew back to London craving some quiet and rest, I realised that I had spent 10 years in London and felt incredibly grateful and proud of the life I had built myself. Even so, at work, I was anxious about feeling lost and worrying about not belonging as I continued to find my stride as a Partner. But on a work trip to Bermuda, I began to find my sense of self a little bit more and felt like I was coming into my own. I tried to take a moment to appreciate the growth as I took a sunset walk in Horseshoe Bay and sank my toes in the pink sand beach. As the Winter set in, I was looking forward to some respite and finally began to enjoy the new kitchen in my home. There were slow weekends spent making chicken soup and comforting stretches of an afternoon on the couch. My Aunt and Niece came to visit at the start of December and when they left, the rush of Christmas set in which meant wreath making, indulgent afternoon teas and dinners where you find yourself way too full but in my heart and tummy! I am beginning to recognise the strength I didn't know I had and feeling that I have built a life I am proud of. I want to go into 2025 thinking about (1) building consistency in the way I try to keep healthy as it waxes and wanes especially when I'm busy, (2) continuing to work on myself - believing that I am worthy of kindness and love, and learning to "let them" and "let go", and (3) being bold. And always sending love, from me to you.
rose | 18:32
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